Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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