You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
