I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
