I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
