I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Brb crying the tears of my youth
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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