i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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