FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
