Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
