i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
