census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
