I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
