Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
