The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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