Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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