So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
