I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
