I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
