It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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