im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize