he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
