Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
