Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
