Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
