And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
