none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
