she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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