New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
