fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
