Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
