i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
