I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
