Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
