Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
