Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Holy sore nipples Batman
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
