Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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