i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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