i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
