Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
