Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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