just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
