he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
