Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
