Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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