Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
