You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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