And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
