I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All the doctor said was why
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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