How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize