A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
