need another drink. this is the easiest way
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
