You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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