I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
