no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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