you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
