i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
