is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
