thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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