youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
