last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
