I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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