Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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