The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
