"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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