The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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