I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
