Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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