:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
