I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How's work?
Spinning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
