Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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