i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
