I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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