Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
