she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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